I'm the king of pork, there ain't none fatter
I like Mars bars, fried in batter

The only thing attracted to me is gravity
When I go to the beach kids yell "free willy"
Had to go to seaworld to get baptized
Stand on a scale it reads "one at a time"
I'm a fat fat man

Use a hula hoop for a belly button ring
Bend over & you lose an hour of daylight living
Have to wear a sock on each toe
Told that I show up on radar you know!
I'm a fat fat man

Sat on a five pound note blood came from the queen's nose
The phone company gave me two area codes
Buy all my clothes from a nice tent shop
Left home with boots, came back with flip flops
I'm a fat fat man

I'm a fat fat man
It ain't easy
It ain't easy
I often ask myself
Who would be me?
Who would be me?
I'm a fat fat man
Body like jelly
Like jelly
Think I'm in good health
Now where's my tea?
Where's my tea?

I'm the king of pork, there ain't none fatter
I like Mars bars, fried in batter

So fat I sell shade as a great deal
And also the horse on my polo shirt is real
See a menu at a restaurant and say 'yes please'
I smell like bacon at 90 degrees
I'm a fat fat man

Cross the road and the cars look out for me
When I work at the movie theatre, I work as the screen
If I were an aeroplane, I'd be a jumbo jet
When I go to a restaurant I get an estimate
I'm a fat fat man

When I haul ass, I have to make two trips
When I dance real fast, I make the band skip
To make me some shoes, Doc Marten had to kill 3 cows
I'm just so fat, you're inside me right now
I'm a fat fat man

I'm a fat fat man
It ain't easy
It ain't easy
I often ask myself
Who would be me?
Who would be me?
I'm a fat fat man
Body like jelly
Like jelly
Think I'm in good health
Now where's my tea?
Where's my tea?

I'm the king of pork, there ain't none fatter
I like Mars bars, fried in batter